Sex with apples?
by Crazy4Moony
Summary: Remus is minding his own business, eating an apple. But Sirius and his ambiguous mind need to spoil Remus' happy moment, saying that Remus looks too hot eating an apple. So he makes a proposition: me, you, nakedness, and the apple. Oh, what will Remus do?


**Sex with apples?**

**One: No**

The weather was particularly bad today, Remus could tell. The weather-gods couldn't be too happy, because it rained and stormed like never before. Not that Remus minded, not at all actually. He'd magiced up a protective bubble around himself and the tree he was currently sitting under, so the rain wouldn't touch him. The bubble was invisible, of course, but the rain still made odd ticking sounds as it connected with the surface of the protect shield.

Remus sighed contently and bit down into his apple. _Oh soft saccharine sweetness._ He absolutely _loved_ apples. How could you _not_. The round curves and the sweetness and the juice. Oh, _apples_. He leaned back relaxy-ish against the tree and bit down in the apple again. He would never get enough of these forbidden fruits.

Speaking of forbidden fruits, there was Sirius Black suddenly, running through the rain and splashing in every puddle he could reach. Remus tensed immediately. He couldn't let his guard down—see, Sirius always tended to... bring out the worst in Remus. As in; Sirius made his heart beat too fast, made his breathing too hard, and his stomach too heavy. He brought out peculiar in-love feelings when he was with Remus, and it drove Remus utterly mad.

That was why he was here in the first place, eating his apple. Because he was alone and had forbidden fruits that he could actually _have_. Because Sirius was truly off-limits, and apples were purchasable.

"Aha!" Sirius' voice carried mischievously on the air, and he stalked closer. "There's our sexy animal!" He entered the bubble happily, soaking wet and shivering slightly. "What 'ya doing with that apple?"

Remus raised an eyebrow—typical Sirius, doubting the obvious. Sirius flopped onto all fours, crawling closer to Remus—he didn't even seem to care that the ground was mucky and he was making his clothes even filthier than before.

"Eating it, of course." Remus said matter-of-factly.

"Aha! It doesn't look like _that_ to me!" Sirius pointed an accusing finger at the boy. "I think you're trying to seduce me with that apple of yours!"

"Seduce you?" Remus' mouth dropped a bit. "With an apple? I'd get it if I was eating a banana... but an apple?"

"Yes," Sirius nodded happily. "You're trying to get inside my pants using an apple."

"Sirius, I have no business in those pants of yours, nor would I like to have any." Remus frowned and bit a chunk of his fruit—Sirius was indeed the most bonkers man alive—never mind that he _did_ want to get inside Sirius pants, that was uncalled for, and really, he would never use and _apple_!

"Oh, don't try to hide it Moony," Sirius whispered huskily, and he was suddenly very close—pressing Remus against the tree, really. "You know you want it."

"Want what?" Remus asked, mouth agape.

"Sex. With me. And apples." Sirius wiggled his eyebrows seductively.

"Sirius, I'm not having sex with you," he said sternly—_though I want to_—and bit a chunk off again. "And I'm not having sex with my apple either."

"But you want to. You want a piece of my overly sexy body." Sirius whispered, feral look in his eyes. He came even closer, and Remus could feel the other boy breathing against his cheek.

"Sirius, don't be ridiculous—you're my best friend."

"So? Does that mean you can't want me?"

"Indeed it does." Remus nodded, and tried not to blush.

Sirius frowned, leaning back again, and Remus breathed in deeply—never know when he's gonna be so close again.

"But... I'm hot." Sirius protested.

"I'm sure you are." Remus nodded, happy he had some space—Sirius was too gorgeous to be so close, it wasn't normal. Nor was it good for Remus' heart.

"And you're hot." Sirius said.

"Inde—... wait, what?" Remus frowned, the chunk he'd currently been munching on dangling from his mouth a bit.

Sirius nodded.

"Yes, you're eating your apple very seductively, with those perky lips of yours, and that innocent look—it's very hot."

"I... I..." Remus stuttered—_I'm what?_

"You?" Sirius tipped his head to the side curiously.

"I..."

"Okay... Moony, listen, this is how we're gonna do this," Sirius leaned in again, and Remus' eyes grew. "I'll take your apple, like this," he took the apple from Remus' numb hands. "Then I'm going to eat a bit, like this," he took a bite from the apple, and Remus stared. "And now I'm going to..." he said, not without trouble, and pressed in closer, hands next to Remus' hips on the grass. "Kiss you." And he connected their lips hungrily.

Remus freaked out—_I'm kissing Sirius Black! Oh my fucking God!_—and squirmed a bit, though not too much. He was enjoying it, actually, though he knew he shouldn't. Sirius pushed harder against Remus, making him gasp, and he felt something push it's way into his mouth—the chunk of apple. _Oh no! No!_—but it actually tasted sweeter, now that it'd been inside Sirius' mouth, no matter how grose or messed up that might be.

The brunette moaned hotly and Sirius pushed against him again, moving their bodies. When they separated, their bodies were still pushed against one-an-other's and they were breathing hotly. Their faces were only inches apart, and Remus had his hands carefully resting on Sirius' shoulders. Sirius was grinning deviously.

"So, Moony," he said in his most sexy-seductive voice. "You wanna have sex with me and apples?"

"Iew! Sirius, that's grose!" Remus laughed, smiling too, as he felt Sirius' breath tickle against his neck.

"But you make them look so sexy!" the raven-head said defensively.

The only respond he got were wet lips on his mouth, a tug on his shirt and a grumbled: "NO sex with apples!"

**AN: That's it for chapter one! Since this was the 'no' chapter, I'm sure you know what Remus' answer will be in the next chapter ;) Review and tell me if you liked it, and whether I should or shouldn't update! **


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